I’m just returning from a month long retreat from reality into Twilight land, reading the books, seeing the movies, and watching the YouTube parodies. (Consider it a cheap winter vacation.) Yeah my productivity has slumped a little, but I’m coming away with some profound life lessons for us all:

1. Try not to date someone who wants to kill you. That’s a tough one, cause I’m totally on Team Edward. (I’ve always liked older men, so why not date a hot 108 year old?)  Murder has a way of limiting intimacy, and the lifespan of this relationship is short. Do you have commitment issues? You may lose your heart to this one. Proceed with caution.
3. Knock the “I’m not worthy” act. The four book (or six books, depending on how you count them) series would boil down to a tidy 100 pages if the characters would just get some self esteem. Everyone’s a martyr. Being preternaturally gorgeous and loyal won’t buy you a cup of O negative. You only hurt the people you love.
4. Stay out of the sun. You’ll live longer, or at least look younger, if you avoid those rays.
5. Break ups are devastating. Be sure to get some emotional support. Turn to a friend or confidant you can count on. If you have hallucinations get medical help immediately. Or change the meds you’re on.
6. Safe sex safe sex safe sex. Return to lesson #1. If you clear that obstacle proceed to “no glove, no love.” Trust me.

Tags: hallucinations, life lessons, safe sex, team Edward, Twilight, YouTube

This entry was posted on Friday, December 18th, 2009 at 12:43 pm and is filed under Twilight . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.