How do you measure your value? Your self worth? How interesting that value and self-worth are financial terms…

I found this story in a free paper at my bakery.  I’m posting this here at the wishes of the article’s author. (See his call to action at the bottom.) I don’t know the identity “well known speaker.”  If you do, please post the name so we can give him credit for his genius.

“A well known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. In the room of 200 people, he asked, “Who would like this $20 bill?” Hands started going up.

He said, “I’m going to give this $20 to one of you, but first let me do this.” He proceeded to crumple up the $20 bill. He then asked, “Who still wants it?” Still the hands went up in the air.

“Well,” he replied, “what if I do this?” and he dropped the bill on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, crumpled and dirty.

“Now who still wants it?” And the hands still went up in the air. “My friends,” he said, “we have learned a valuable lesson. No matter what I do to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20.”

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled and ground into the dirt by circumstances that come into our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or will happen, YOU WILL NEVER LOSE YOUR VALUE.  Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who love you. The of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but WHO WE ARE.

If you do not pass this on, you may never know the lives it touches, the hurting hearts it speaks to, or the hope it can bring.”

Binyamin Jadidi of Ateret Israel

Here’s today’s Abundance and Prosperity tip. I received an email with this question:

“What’s the quickest and most loving way to raise my self esteem and increase my sense of worthiness?”

I hear my colleagues talk a lot about how undercharging is a reflection of low self esteem, and how you have to increase your self worth to increase your networth. I think Suze Orman says something like that.

But nothing will lower your self esteem and self respect faster than undercharging!

I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait another forty years to resolve all my inner insecurities before I start making a living. So I’m going to give you a shortcut.

Wanna know my INSTANT, EASY strategy for a radical injection of self worth? Look OUTSIDE yourself for validation.

Surprised?

Here are some tips.
(more…)

Ever feel like your life sucks? Ya gotta set some personal boundaries. (And if you’re a coach/healer/spiritual/service professional, I’m talking to YOU!)

Setting boundaries gives you the ability to say yes to what you want and no to what you don’t want, despite the risk of displeasing others. What a concept, huh? (The irony is the more you try to please others, the less you do. Nobody likes a fake or a doormat.) You’ll automatically upgrade your relationships and improve your life overall.

No limits disempowers you and disrespects those around you. They show up in a number of ways:

* The inability to say no.
* The fear of displeasing someone.
* The tendency to rescue others.
* The expectation of being rescued.
* Not expressing your true feelings.
* Not getting paid what you should.
* Attracting people who take advantage of you.
* Allowing outside opinions to determine your self-worth.
* Feeling like a victim.
* Feeling obligated, indebted.
* Trying to change someone else.

When we were children, pleasing parents and teachers and friends was necessary to our survival. We needed to learn how to bond, how to read reactions, how to compromise. These are not skills to give up. This is where we learn the empathy and compassion that makes relationship possible.

Problems arise when, as adults, we’re unconsciously ruled by these needs to please, bond, or compromise. We’re operating out of fear more than love. When we’re acting from unconscious impulses we give up our ability to choose responsibly, and we become victims and victimizers.

We all have areas in our lives where our boundaries are nice and strong, and other areas where our boundaries get weaker. (The higher the stakes, the stronger the likelihood is that fear will come in and weaken our boundaries.) The easiest way to check the strength of your personal boundaries is to ask yourself: “How free do I feel here to say what I feel and to ask for what I want?”

The bottom line is people treat you how you allow them to treat you. If you put up with abuse, YOU’RE ABUSING YOURSELF. Setting new boundaries is like working with muscles that haven’t been used; they feel awkward and weak at first. You may have some false starts as you learn to play a new game. Keep flexing.

You’ll be tested. If you’re the type who did everything for everybody in the past, those people you taught to rely on you may resent having the rules changed without their consent. You trained them to expect one thing; now you can retrain them to expect something else. Practice consistency.

If you’ve been taken care of all your life and the rules are changed on you… ouch! You get to grow up fast. You’ll feel better on the other side, knowing you can take care of yourself.

Eventually, as your personal boundaries get stronger, the negative charge around these changes goes away. What used to be a fight becomes the way things are naturally. It’s effortless.

Take a look at your current life.
* Where are your boundaries strongest?
* Where are they weakest? Why?
* What small step can you take to be more honest and authentic in that area of your life?

When setting limits in any area of your life, you’ll increase your self confidence. You’ll attract better relationships. You’ll enjoy more respect and success, and your life will rock.

To free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves – there lies the great, singular power of self-respect.
~ Joan Didion

Ya gotta set some boundaries to live a good life. (And if you’re a coach/healer/spriritual/service professional, I’m talking to YOU!)

Setting boundaries gives you the ability to say yes to what you want and no to what you don’t want, despite the risk of displeasing others. What a concept, huh? (The irony is the more you try to please others, the less you do. Nobody likes a fake or a doormat.) You’ll automatically upgrade your relationships and improve your life overall.

Weak boundaries disempower you and disrespect those around you. They show up in a number of ways:

* The inability to say no.
* The fear of displeasing someone.
* The tendency to rescue others.
* The expectation of being rescued.
* Not expressing your true feelings.
* Not getting paid what you should.
* Attracting people who take advantage of you.
* Allowing outside opinions to determine your self-worth.
* Feeling like a victim.
* Feeling obligated, indebted.
* Trying to change someone else.

So where do weak boundaries come from?
When we were children, pleasing parents and teachers and friends was necessary to our survival. We needed to learn how to bond, how to read reactions, how to compromise. These are not skills to give up. This is where we learn the empathy and compassion that makes relationship possible.

Problems arise when, as adults, we’re unconsciously ruled by these needs to please, bond, or compromise. We’re operating out of fear more than love. When we’re acting from unconscious impulses we give up our ability to choose responsibly, and we become victims and victimizers.

We all have areas in our lives where our boundaries are nice and strong, and other areas where our boundaries get weaker. (The higher the stakes, the stronger the likelihood is that fear will come in and weaken our boundaries.) The easiest way to check the strength of your boundaries is to ask yourself: “How free do I feel here to say what I feel and to ask for what I want?”

The bottom line is people treat you how you allow them to treat you. If you put up with abuse, you’re abusing yourself. Setting new boundaries is like working with muscles that haven’t been used; they feel awkward and weak at first. You may have some false starts as you learn to play a new game. Keep flexing.

You’ll be tested. If you’re the type who did everything for everybody in the past, those people you taught to rely on you may resent having the rules changed without their consent. You trained them to expect one thing; now you can retrain them to expect something else. Practice consistency.

If you’ve been taken care of all your life and the rules are changed on you… ouch! You get to grow up fast. You’ll feel better on the other side, knowing you can take care of yourself.

Eventually, as your boundaries get stronger, the negative charge around these changes goes away. What used to be a fight becomes the way things are naturally. It’s effortless.

Take a look at your current life.
Where are your boundaries strongest?
Where are they weakest? Why?
What small step can you take to be more honest and authentic in that area of your life?

When setting boundaries in any area of your life, you’ll increase your self confidence. You’ll attract better relationships. You’ll enjoy more respect and success, and your life will rock.