Here’s a question I came across from another life coach:

“Can anyone recommend some really good ideas, techniques, resources for helping clients identify the core of their resistance and helping them move beyond it?”

Here’s my response:

The source of your life coaching client’s resistance is your failure to establish rapport. You are pushing too fast or not fully respecting and validating your client’s experience. YOU are resisting THEM.

One of the core precepts of neuro linguistic programming–one of the more interventionist forms of life coaching–is that resistance is a signal that the coach has lost rapport with the client.

Back up to the last time you were in sync and FOLLOW the client until you re-establish rapport.

(more…)

This question came up on a coaches forum I like to contribute to, and I know this’ll apply to a lot of my readers…

“How do I cope with no-show clients? A new client hasn’t shown up for two of the four sessions we contracted. Each time she follows up with really apologetic emails, begging me not to give up on her…,” the life coach asked.

Here’s my response:

Fire her.

Or, to put it another way…

Fire her.

Keeping her as a client is not good life coaching.

The life coach writes: ‘My gremlin [inner saboteur] insists that she doesn’t value the coaching and it is judging her, and suggesting I either “lay down the law” or fire her.’

That ain’t your “gremlin” honey. That’s your professionalism and self respect. It’s your gremlin that’s telling you you’re not allowed to to have standards. And it’s your gremlin having cocktails with her gremlin when you buy into her excuses. (I roll my eyes.)

She doesn’t want to be coached. Period. End of story. If she wanted to be life coached she’d show up. It’s that’s simple.

If I’m wrong, and she really wants to coach, make her earn the right to continue coaching with you. I suggest an agreement that you’re authorized to charge her credit card $1,000 every time she’s a no show.

That’ll let you know real fast how serious she is about coaching.

Fire her. It’ll be great for your self esteem as a life coach, and that’ll be attractive to better clients.

And ALWAYS get paid in advance.

PS: My use of “gremlin” comes from Rick Carlson’s book “Taming Your Gremlin.” Learn more at his Gremlin Training Institute for coaches.

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
~ Alan Cohen

Would you like to create fast change? Here’s how: make space for what you want!

When life coaching clients are stuck and not manifesting abundance and prosperity, I have them take a look at what they’re tolerating in their lives. What do they put up with that drains their energy? Where are they settling?

We all have tolerations: those people, things, or habits that drain our energy, dim our life enjoyment. It could be a messy desk, or a critical relative, or not taking care of your health. We may have become so accustomed to certain tolerations that we feel that’s just the way life is. We don’t think we have a choice. We feel powerless, and that sense of powerlessness bleeds into other areas of our lives.

Every time you settle, you are telling the universe that “this is good enough,” and you are telling yourself, “I don’t deserve better.” If that’s your message, of course you’ll keep getting more of the same! When you’re life is full of settling, you aren’t leaving room for what you really want.

To help you identify where you may be settling, take a look at this life wheel below. Pick the wedges that represent areas of your life you find the least satisfying. What could you eliminate from each wedge to make more room?

Paying attention to what you are ready to eliminate is key. Maybe you’re ready for a big change. Don’t beat yourself up if you’re not. I recommend starting small. A little goes a long way. The smallest changes build your energy and confidence, and give you a platform for the next change.

Try giving old clothes away to Good Will. Or clearing your desk. Or spending less time with a critical friend. When you clear something up in one area of your life, you’ve created energetic space that will impact the rest of your life. My clients have won awards, received money out of the blue, attracted new business and found soul mates after they stopped settling in other areas of their lives. When in doubt, clean your house.

I’ve come to believe that creating space is one of the fastest keys to attraction. Saying no to what no longer serves you will build your confidence and energy.

Sometimes when you make a big change, the universe will test you by sending you more of the same (same type of client, same type of job, same type of relationship) to see if you’re serious. For instance, as soon as I decided to be a life coach instead of an actress, I was offered half a dozen acting jobs for which I didn’t have to audition. I got to see how firm I was in my choice. Was I sure I didn’t want to be an actress? Yes! I only wanted to coach.

Hold out for what you really want. If you don’t already have a wish list of things you want to manifest, create one now. Then you’ll recognize the granting of your wishes when they appear.