Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds. ~ William Shakespeare

First the science of appreciation: John M. Gottman, PhD, the country’s foremost relationship expert, found that what set apart marriages that succeeded (as opposed to the 67% of first marriages that ended in divorce) was a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions. He found that even the smallest gestures of appreciation counted—a smile, a pat, a “thank you.” This magic ratio isn’t confined to marriage. The same principle applies to all relationships.*

Here’s my favorite tool for injecting some quick positive energy: Appreciation Loops. You can use them any time you like, in any relationship, without dependence on the moods or actions of your partner. You can feel a shift in the dynamic immediately.

(more…)

Not much puts more stress on your relationships the enforced gratitude and gaiety of the holiday season. Don’t touch that stuffed turkey or roasted ham without packing up Morgana’s All-Purpose Relationship Rescue Remedy. There are three steps, A, B, and C. Today we cover A:

A is for Appreciation.
Appreciation sweetens any relationship, and it’s not contingent on the other person’s behavior. You can use it any time you like, in any relationship, without dependence on the moods or actions of your partner. You can feel a shift in the dynamic immediately.

Take a moment to say to your partner, “What I appreciate about you is…” and fill in the end of the sentence. Honesty is crucial. Try this without planning or even knowing where your sentence is going to end. See what comes up.

The magic of this practice lies in its independence from the other person’s action. Your appreciation is not contingent on your partner’s behavior. You are not saying “I would appreciate you if…” Nothing is more powerful than not trying to change the other.

Instead, appreciation works like a circuit breaker to interrupt negative cycles: “We interrupt this regularly scheduled unhappiness to focus on the positive!”

Using this tool when the relationship is already thriving is like building a bank account to draw on later.

“Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds.” ~ William Shakespeare

copyright Morgana Rae 2008
WANT TO USE AN ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE? Great! You can, as long as you contact me first about attribution, and linking back to www.howtobeamoneymagnet.